


All in a day's work...or is it?

by ChirpingEmu



Category: Glee
Genre: All-dialog fic, Espionage, Gen, Kurt probably does not really plan to take Delaware hostage, Protective Finn, Puck and Finn would insist it's a James Bond crossover, Rating is only for innuendo, but it's not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 07:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1461412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChirpingEmu/pseuds/ChirpingEmu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Puck argue over who's more James Bond-like. They agree to spy on Kurt to determine the winner and think they're finding out something they really, really hadn't expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All in a day's work...or is it?

″No way, Puckerman. You are not the super spy type. I am. I'm practically James Bond.″

″You, dude?″

″More than you are, anyway. James Bond would never wear a Mohawk.″

″Sure he would, if it looked as good on him as it does on me. Face it, Hudson, spies are sex sharks, and you are like the sex guppy.″

″Hey! I would never eat my kids. And anyway, I am so the super spy type. I can prove it.″

″Oh, yeah? How.″

″By...by spying on somebody!″

″Like who? The international supervillains who hang around Lima?″

″Naah. Coach Sylvester's too scary. How about Kurt?″

″Dude, he's too easy to spy on. You can see him from like a mile away.″

″Not when he's shopping. Then he's got, like, superspeed.″

″Okay, fine. We'll spy on Kurt and see who does better at it.″

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

″This is boring. I thought he'd do, you know, exciting stuff. Like going to his secret lair. Or stealing state secrets. All he did was put some pants on hold and say he'd pay for them tomorrow.″

″Maybe he'll rob a bank? 'Cause otherwise you'd have a boring supervillain brother.″

″Burt wouldn't like that. He'd give Kurt all these looks during dinner.″

″Supervillains don't need to get permission from their dads, though.″

″Kurt would. Or at least he'd care about what Burt thought. Wait, he's buying a coffee. I bet that's how he's getting the secrets passed to him. It's like if he orders one kind of coffee, it means give me the nuclear codes and another one means that he's going to take, like, Delaware hostage.″

″Why would your brother take Delaware hostage? I'd take, like California. Girls in bikinis year round, man.″

″Wait, he's putting his coat back on.″

″He's going into the college annex. Oh, I bet he's going to blow something up in a lab.″

\--------------------------------------------------------------

″Oh, hi, Kurt.″

″Hi, Tonya. Wait, is that the time? Gotta run, I've barely got time to get undressed, catch you later.″

″...dude, did your brother just say that he had to get undressed?″

″Dude, you can't go into the bathroom after him, he'll see us!″

″Fine, we'll wait.″

″Get back, get back, he's coming out!″

″Why's your brother wearing just a robe?″

″And how come he went into that room where we saw a lot of other people go in?″

″Shh, shh, you can kind of hear him talk!″

″Hi, Mark, same position as last time?″

″That'd be great, Kurt, if you're sure that it won't get uncomfortable.″

″Don't worry, I'm very flexible.″

″Here, I'll take your robe. All right, does everybody have a good angle?″

″Could you move your hip just a fraction back to the right, Kurt? It's not quite like it was last time.″

″Like that?″

″Perfect, that's great, that's the best position yet. Right, everybody, ten minutes, then we'll try something different.″

″Oh, my God, Kurt's a hooker!″

″An orgy hooker. That's...kind of badass.″

″No, it's not, that's my brother in there!″

″Mark, do you have a spare rubber by any chance?″

″Catch.″

″Right, five minutes more. Kurt, I have the tape if you want to move for a second.″

″No, I'm fine. I could do this all evening.″

″Man, who'd have thought I'd get jealous of Kurt Hummel.″

″Seriously, I...I don't know what to think. Let's go outside.″

″Okay, look, Finn, let's catch him on the way out. We can talk to him.″

″I just...this just, it's like I never knew him.″

″Neither did I, man, but I gotta say, my respect is increasing. There were like ten women in that class.″

″Wait, some of them are coming out.″

″Oh, Kurt's great, he's one of the better ones we've had. I couldn't believe he could hold upside down for so long.″

″I missed the last two times, you know, my girlfriend was visiting.″

″He'll do private sessions if you want. Same charge, so if you go in with a few others, it works out pretty well. Of course, if you have him all to yourself, you don't have to worry about what the other people want him to do.″

″Yeah, I'll think about it.″

″Finn? Puck? What're you doing here?″

″Does Blaine know what you're doing?″

″And hi to you, too, Finn. Yes, Blaine knows about it. He thinks it's a great idea. He even asked if he could watch a session but that wouldn't really have been fair to the ones who paid. You know, this was really a great idea of your mom's.″

″This was mom's idea?″

″Well, she did it in college. She said it would be help with some of my body issues.″

″She did this?″

″Yeah, so she had a lot of great advice for me. She was right, too, I was nervous the first few times, but now it feels really natural.″

″Really natural?″

″Finn, is something wrong?″

″You're telling me that my mother was, was...and that you are, and that it feels natural?″

″Back off, Hudson, it's his body.″

″Exactly. And know I feel much more comfortable.″

″Does Burt know?″

″Yeah, and he's fine with it, since I earn more here than I would at the garage. Finn, are you sure you're okay?″

″So Burt knows that you're a hooker and that's okay with him?″

″Finn Hudson, what did you just call me?″

″Well, you go into this room where you're undressed with all these strangers and they get to pick what position you're in, that's not exactly a gentile cup of tea, is it?″

″I think you mean 'genteel,' and in any case, life modeling is perfectly respectable. They don't even look at me as a person. I'm just a body there. Frankly, I'm surprised you have those old-fashioned kinds of ideas about it. Modeling for art classes is not the same as being a hooker, even if I am naked.″

″Wait, what?″

″I said, modeling for art classes is not the same as being a hooker, even if I am naked.″

″So...all they do is draw you?″

″Yes, Finn, all they do is draw me.″

″But you said...they were saying...″

″Oh, God, Finn, is this another one of your wild misinterpretations?″

″Yeah, well, I was worried. It...it really sounded like you were being a hooker in there and...and I really didn't like it. I mean, like, you're, you're so not a hooker, and I hated the idea of you selling yourself to people and...″

″Finn, why can you make me want to hug you and punch you at the same time?″

″It's what brothers do?″

″Okay, come here. Thanks for thinking you were looking out for me.″

"This still doesn't settle who's the better spy. Let's try tracking Rachel tomorrow."


End file.
